Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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