I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
