Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
