I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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