Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
i came on her dog
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
