dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
