Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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