we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize
