Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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