You smell like a Billy Joel song
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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