Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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