You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
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