I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
