oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
