arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Randomize
