i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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