I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Randomize
