Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
