The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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