My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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