Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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