Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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