you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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