They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
