He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize