lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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