Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
