Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I need moral support for this bender
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Randomize
