you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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