He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
