Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
