yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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