Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
