is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
My ATM looks so different sober.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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