hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
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