It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
this will be a night to untag.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Randomize
