that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
