Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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