Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Randomize
