god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize