I understand Curling. That high.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize