thus making me awesome and them whores
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I'm passing your future prison.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
i came on her dog
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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