How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
