and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
