Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
try to milk me bitch
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
