my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Operation Purity has been aborted
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
