Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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