Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
