We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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