just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I'm really busy with my period
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