I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
