I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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