New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I need to sanitize my soul.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
