hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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