he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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