so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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