Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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