mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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