The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Can I color on your dick again?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
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