I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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