you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
