It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
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