We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
