Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
My hand turned me down
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
He has the fingertips of a God
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