you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
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