she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Come back. Shots need mouths.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Randomize