I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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