Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize