I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Randomize
