I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
