How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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