I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I believe in your delicious
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
