You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
This is the prime rib incident all over again
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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